+ a beau__tiful ho___

July 17, 2006

I just finished hanging the laundry I forgot to do in the afternoon. Tomorrow my dad will most probably work night shift and my mum will work till late at night. I hate being home, what I hate more is being home alone. When I was younger, I used to love nights alone because they were rare. But now it's just an everyday thing I just don't like it anymore. I just dread it. It just feels like a very lonely life. I don't even know what I'm doing here or why I'm still alive.

Time alone gets me wondering. I think my life now is like a movie drama. Everything's just so overrated. If it was, I'd wish some little kid would become a spoiler and tell me "I know the ending. You're going to die a horrible death and nobody will be there because you are such a depressing person and nobody likes to mix with depressed people." or "Don't worry things will turn out fine in the end." or maybe it'd be better if I could fast forward it all myself. And if I know I'd be dying in the end I'll maybe just let everyone know how much I love them and everything else that happens in movies.

Sometimes I just feel lost. Why don't you tell me what to do?

I can't stop the thoughts from happening.
I can't stop the thoughts from haunting.

I'm happy for her. Today at her orientation she found a friend and told my mum she's going over to her place. My dad's cousin(my aunt?) has been very kind and brought her out yesterday or the day before. I miss her. I didn't think I would. I guess we'd be going over to visit her after my exams.

I guess I've been quite selfish wishing wishes that I want and not really sparing the thoughts of others. Not like it would 100% happen, I just wish they would. But it's really selfish - just the thought of me thinking for myself. I don't like it much but I really wish it'd turn out the way I want it to. I really do.

But will you ever really know? Do you ever really care? Will you ever really be able to do something to solve it? I really wish you would. After all I did believe you would when you said so. I did believe, I was so certain. But now I don't know anymore. I don't know anything at all. Nothing.

I really don't know what to do. And I still wish I could disappear.

-nIx- @ [[11:54 PM]]

->>LoL GanG n co wEBBIE<<-

ladies-
aNgELiC ; cheshire lover
aNgEz ; mehmeh
vaL ; eliephant
vIG ; cutesy
JY ; yummy
LiN ; rabbit
oInK ; pig

~~gentle~~man-
hEi ; yumcha YEAH!
wEi ; non-existant
LuT ; turtle

-Superteens 24-28 nov '03-
MELiSSa ; lovess
PiNGss ; lovess
SaMuEL ; lovess
SHErwYn ; lovess

; Life Of Imperfection
x 06/2004 x 07/2004 x 08/2004 x 09/2004 x 10/2004 x 11/2004 x 12/2004 x 01/2005 x 02/2005 x 03/2005 x 04/2005 x 05/2005 x 06/2005 x 07/2005 x 08/2005 x 09/2005 x 10/2005 x 11/2005 x 12/2005 x 01/2006 x 02/2006 x 03/2006 x 04/2006 x 05/2006 x 06/2006 x 07/2006 x 08/2006 x 09/2006 x 10/2006 x 11/2006 x 12/2006 x 01/2007 x 02/2007 x 03/2007 x 04/2007 x 05/2007 x 06/2007 x 07/2007 x 08/2007 x 09/2007 x 10/2007 x 11/2007 x 12/2007 x 01/2008 x 02/2008 x 03/2008 x 04/2008 x 05/2008 x 06/2008 x 07/2008 x 08/2008 x 09/2008 x 10/2008 x 11/2008 x 12/2008 x 01/2009 x 02/2009 x 03/2009 x 04/2009 x 05/2009 x 06/2009 x 07/2009 x 08/2009 x 09/2009 x 10/2009 x 11/2009 x 12/2009 x 01/2010 x 02/2010 x 03/2010 x 04/2010 x 05/2010 x 06/2010 x 07/2010 x 08/2010 x 09/2010 x 10/2010 x 11/2010 x 12/2010 x 01/2011 x 02/2011 x 03/2011 x

-nIx-
111188__*
+ex-kcpian+
*singapore accounting academy.
superteen

New Found Loves:
sunshine!
books
typedrawing
entertaining myself

; they say happiness, is somewhere faraway..
in Heaven.
so why don't you bring me there,
with you?

`because all you've left here..
all you've left me with,are footprints ;

reminding me of who i used to be..